Jokes Free for all Hijack at will

[lorne]

‎..Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to come in out of the rain; - Why the early bird gets the worm; ... - Life isn't always fair; - And maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies, don't spend more than you can earn and adults, not children, are in charge. His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, do nothing....:~)))

you got it sixpack..now you need to celebrate and get a full 12pack
you hit the nail right on the head....i go though this type of stuff every day...and i deal with so called professionals :newsmile084:

 

[R_W_B]

Bill and his wife Blanche go to the state fair every year,

And every year Bill would say,

" Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "

Blanche always replied,

" I know Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,

" Blanche, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance "

To this, Blanche replied,

" Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks "

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars. "

Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, including his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word...

As they were landing, the pilot turned to Bill and said,

" By golly, I did everything I could to scare you folks into yelling out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! "

Bill replied,

" Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Blanche fell out, But you know, Fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

 

[lorne]

Bill and his wife Blanche go to the state fair every year,

And every year Bill would say,

" Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "

Blanche always replied,

" I know Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,

" Blanche, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance "

To this, Blanche replied,

" Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks "

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars. "

Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, including his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word...

As they were landing, the pilot turned to Bill and said,

" By golly, I did everything I could to scare you folks into yelling out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! "

Bill replied,

" Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Blanche fell out, But you know, Fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

:worthy:worthy best one in a long time....thanks for that

 

[HDDon]

I ask my wife if she would have said anything if I had fallen out and she said "fifty bucks is fifty bucks"!!!

 

[lorne]

I ask my wife if she would have said anything if I had fallen out and she said "fifty bucks is fifty bucks"!!!

i am not even going to tell my wife that one....she is cheap

although we do have a great understanding going on...for every pair of shoes she buys i get a harley...she has 3 pair...:breakdance

 

[HDDon]

i am not even going to tell my wife that one....she is cheap

although we do have a great understanding going on...for every pair of shoes she buys i get a harley...she has 3 pair...:breakdance

If my wife and I had this agreement I would have to have a warehouse for the Harleys. She really likes shoes.

 

[lorne]

If my wife and I had this agreement I would have to have a warehouse for the Harleys. She really likes shoes.

it's all in the training...lol

 

[HDDon]

it's all in the training...lol

Lorne, I'm not sure how old you are or how many wives you have had, but at 65 and several wives I have found that instead of training-Yes Dear works best!!!anicanicanic

 

[lorne]

Lorne, I'm not sure how old you are or how many wives you have had, but at 65 and several wives I have found that instead of training-Yes Dear works best!!!anicanicanic

still on my first one didn't get married until i was 38....been together 18 years altogether. i do use yes dear as a fall back....those little latina's can get a temper..

 

[R_W_B]

I ask my wife if she would have said anything if I had fallen out and she said "fifty bucks is fifty bucks"!!!

Smart wife.

. . . . . . . ...for every pair of shoes she buys i get a harley...she has 3 pair...:breakdance

Holy mokes, we need to switch wives. Course we'd have to switch bank accounts too, so I'm out a luck on both counts.

it's all in the training...lol

How much do you charge to train? Maybe we can work something out.

Lorne, I'm not sure how old you are or how many wives you have had, but at 65 and several wives I have found that instead of training-Yes Dear works best!!!anicanicanic

Smart husband.

still on my first one didn't get married until i was 38....been together 18 years altogether. i do use yes dear as a fall back....those little latina's can get a temper..

Me too I'm on my first, didn't get married till I was 30. I got her used, she'd been married once. :lolrolling I buy everything used, end up getting a better deal as a rule. As long as she doesn't read this, I can live to ride another day.