Questions about OZ???

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by T wrecks, Jun 28, 2007.

  1. T wrecks

    T wrecks Junior Member

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    These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie....

    1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

    2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?(USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

    3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney- can Ifollow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. . .

    4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

    5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.(Italy)
    A: Let's not touch this one.

    6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and HerveyBay? (UK)
    A: What did your last slave die of?

    7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not ...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

    8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
    A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

    9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. .... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

    11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    A: No, WE don't stink.

    12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
    A: You are a British politician, right?

    14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?(France)
    A: Only at Christmas.

    16. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

    17. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

    18. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    19. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    20. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
     
  2. HarleyHarry

    HarleyHarry Banned

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    Haven't heard such a good joke since eh..........It must have been since my mother in-law died.
     
  3. English Mike

    English Mike Active Member

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    Oh Harry, that was awful. Someone once asked me what the definition of indecision was and I replied...."Watching my Mother-in-Law drive my Harley off the edge of a cliff!

    Just coulden't let you have that one without responding:60:

    Mike
     
  4. T wrecks

    T wrecks Junior Member

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    Hahahahaha..probably right Hobbit. I hope there is no offence taken here? Please flame away at we Aussies, we can take it??:Banane13:
     
  5. glider

    glider Veteran Member

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    OK then, you drive on the wrong side of the street:D

    ha ha ha ha ha:54:

    Oh and your bananna is upside down too :54:
     
  6. T wrecks

    T wrecks Junior Member

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    Ooohhhhhh...that hurt....:2:
     
  7. T wrecks

    T wrecks Junior Member

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    You had better be carefull here glider, my English brothers here, drive on the "CORRECT" side of the road as well!!!!!:D
     
  8. HarleyHarry

    HarleyHarry Banned

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    And did you know that there are more miles of road for right hand drivers than for left hand?????? But lets keep it light hearted
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2007
  9. English Mike

    English Mike Active Member

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    I didn't know that:26:
     
  10. English Mike

    English Mike Active Member

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    I read it wrong, did you mean there are more right hand drivers than left or more left hand roads than right as opposed to right hand drivers who drive on the right as opposed to....Arrr who gives a Castlemaine for it.

    I like the defo of Australien 4play. "brace yerself sheila":s

    I'm seriousley gonna get told off for that one.:11:

    Apologies afore ya start yellin:21:

    Mike