Marriage Humour

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Polarbear, Nov 17, 2009.

  1. Polarbear

    Polarbear Active Member

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    Marriage Humour

    Wife: 'What are you doing?'

    Husband: Nothing.

    Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

    Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

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    Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

    Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

    Wife: 'Yes or no.'

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    Wife: 'You always have my picture in your wallet.. Why?'

    Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'

    Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'

    Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'



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    Stress Reliever

    Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden..'

    Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'

    Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

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    Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'

    Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'

    Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap..'

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    A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

    'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'



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    Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

    The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'



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    A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

    He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

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    Husbands are husbands

    A man was going through a magazine when his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan.
    'What was that for?' the man asked.
    The wife replied: 'That was for the piece of paper with the name ‘Jenny’ that I found in your pants pocket'.
    The man then said: 'that’s the name of the horse I placed a bet on, at the race last week
    The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
    Three days later the man was watching TV when his wife bashed him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
    Upon gaining consciousness, the man asked why she had hit him again.
    Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'
     
  2. jaceddie

    jaceddie Junior Member

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    I think I was married to this woman once.
     
  3. hdrocks

    hdrocks Active Member

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    These are definitely some of the funniest!!! Got to share with my mrs.
    [​IMG]
     
  4. Haywire

    Haywire Active Member

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    Some good stuff here. Will need to share with he wife.