When Insults Had Class:

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Sgt York, May 8, 2009.

  1. Sgt York

    Sgt York Active Member

    140
    26
    0
    These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

    The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

    A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

    "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

    "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

    "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

    "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

    "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

    "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

    "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

    "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

    "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

    "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

    "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

    "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard

    "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

    "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

    "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

    "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

    "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

    "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. " - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

    "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
     
  2. STEVE07

    STEVE07 Well-Known Member Staff Member Super Moderators

    4,034
    68
    43
    :DBrought a smile to my face:D
     
  3. Truffle

    Truffle Member

    38
    16
    0
    very funny, that had to take a while to compile.
     
  4. alto

    alto Active Member

    237
    28
    3
    Good Stuff Sgt. Thanks for the smile.
    I don't know if it was Mark Twain but....when meeting a total bore and listening to the man go on and on about nothing, (Twain?) said'
    " I do believe that, between you and I, we know EVERYTHING there is to know for you seem to know everything except the fact that you're a fool, and I know that."
     
  5. skcm2006

    skcm2006 Member

    96
    16
    0
    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

    I know people like this - unfortunately too many !
     
  6. Nuclear

    Nuclear Member

    19
    11
    0
    Great collection :s

    It's unfortunate that vulgar tirades have taken their place in our pop culture.