What pets write in their diaries

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Redfish-Joe, Nov 16, 2011.

  1. Redfish-Joe

    Redfish-Joe Senior Member

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    Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...

    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
    9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
    9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
    12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
    1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
    3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
    5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
    7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
    8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
    11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

    Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...

    Day 983 of my captivity...

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

    Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

    The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

    The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.
     
  2. Spade5

    Spade5 Active Member

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    So true. You can own a dog but a cat owns you.
     
  3. lorne

    lorne Senior Member

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    well done !!!!:newsmile036:thanks for sharing, hmmmm wonder if that is Jack's cat?
     
  4. fin_676

    fin_676 Experienced Member Staff Member Moderator Contributor

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    I have seen the look in the cat's face that says what is that stupid dog doing now

    Cat is currently on a curfew after having a serious infection after a fight with something and is coming home when it gets dark as i set the lock on the outer cat flap to let him in and not out but he does come home perhaps just because he wants easy food

    Brian
     
  5. Redfish-Joe

    Redfish-Joe Senior Member

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    We were at a friends house and their cat brought a snake inside. Ever see a fat man jump up on a counter top? No? Ya should have been there. :D
     
  6. Joyflyin

    Joyflyin Experienced Member Staff Member Moderator

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    Joe, have you been talking to my dogs?????? :rofl
     
  7. SledDog

    SledDog Senior Member Staff Member Moderator

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    You must have talked to the Malamute in my avatar. But you missed one thing. Pulling a sled! My favorite thing!
     
  8. flipper

    flipper Account Removed

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    This is really a good one Joe....... Glad you shared.
    Additional dog entry:
    2:00pm Rolled in a dead armadillo! My favorite thing!

    Cats are expensive. We initially kept our bikes on the carport and moved the autos out into the driveway. After one of our cats got under my bike cover and threw up on the bike, we had a new toy garage built. Yep, cats are expensive, but we still love 'em.
     
  9. SledDog

    SledDog Senior Member Staff Member Moderator

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    My Malamutes love cats. Well not really. They have a very high prey drive, so we don'e have any small animals on our property. I think they would say, "Cats taste like... Well, CATS!" My favorite thing to chase.
     
  10. FerrousBueller

    FerrousBueller Junior Member

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    Dogs have Owners, Cats have staff.