Summary of Life

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Texas Hopper, Jan 15, 2012.

  1. Texas Hopper

    Texas Hopper Member

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    Summary of Life

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
    1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
    2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
    3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
    4) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
    5) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap



    GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
    2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
    3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
    4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground...
    5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
    6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..

    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional...
    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
    4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
    5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions...
    6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

    1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
    3) You are Santa Claus..
    4) You look like Santa Claus.


    SUCCESS: How true this one is.

    At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
    At age 12 success is ... . . Having friends.
    At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
    At age 35 success is . . . having money.
    At age 50 success is . . . Having money.
    At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license.
    At age 75 success is ... . Having friends.
    At age 80 success is . .. .. Not piddling in your pants.
     
  2. Dr. Dolittle

    Dr. Dolittle Experienced Member Staff Member Moderator Contributor

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    Those hit so close to home it hurts!
     
  3. HDDon

    HDDon Experienced Member Contributor Retired Moderators

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    Trouble here is that I not only understood all of it, I also recognized most of it!! Old age ain't for sissies!