Stella Awards

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by RetiredJake, Feb 4, 2011.

  1. RetiredJake

    RetiredJake Junior Member

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    It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.


    Here are the Stella's for this past year --


    *SEVENTH PLACE*


    Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son

    Start scratching!


    * SIXTH PLACE *


    Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

    Scratch some more...


    * FIFTH PLACE *


    Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. There are more...

    Double hand scratching after this one...


    *FOURTH PLACE*


    Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

    Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot...


    * THIRD PLACE *


    Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

    Only two more so ease up on the scratching...


    *SECOND PLACE*


    Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.


    Ok. Here we go!!


    * FIRST PLACE *


    This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?
    $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.
     
  2. dbmg

    dbmg Experienced Member

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    And why are our insurance premiums so high??????
     
  3. Mad Dog Jim

    Mad Dog Jim Banned

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    They say that every warning sticker is a result of a law suit. I remember a comedian back in the 80's who brought out a new ladder and read off the 20 pluss warning stickers and commented on how he imagined they came to be. One of the stickers had obviously been put in the wrong place but was priceless. On top of the ladder was the sticker warning not to stand above that position because it could cause injury or death... If you can levitate and walk around above the ladder, chances are you are already dead!

    I remember another comedian talking about a warning on an airline bag of peanuts. "Warning - Contains nuts!" Really? If we can't read "Peanuts" I wonder how the jury expects us to read the warning?
     
  4. JBC2565

    JBC2565 Junior Member

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    Have to wonder what some of these jury's are thinking.
     
  5. gasbag

    gasbag Active Member

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  6. HDDon

    HDDon Experienced Member Contributor Retired Moderators

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    Thanks Gasbag, I was almost out of places to scratch.
     
  7. RetiredJake

    RetiredJake Junior Member

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    Gasbag,

    Thanks for setting this straight. Although, I do wish they were true, it would explain some of the stuff that is going on. :newsmile040:
     
  8. Mad Dog Jim

    Mad Dog Jim Banned

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    Ya I think the cruis control one has been around since the invention of cruise control...
     
  9. Cyclops

    Cyclops Active Member

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    :newsmile077:Funny, but utterly disgusting.
     
  10. jeffndebrus

    jeffndebrus New Member

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    there's not enough clean air to allow these to continue sucking it up.