So You Want To Move To The Country

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Dr.Evil, Nov 22, 2010.

  1. Dr.Evil

    Dr.Evil Junior Member

    694
    0
    5
    THE RULES OF RURAL MICHIGAN ARE AS FOLLOWS:

    1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
    2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
    3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
    4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to Michigan farmers. Get over it. Don't like it? I-94 goes east and west, I-75 goes north and south. Pick one.
    5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. Our farmers have $350,000 combines that they drive only 3 weeks a year.
    6. So every person in rural Michigan waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
    7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
    8. Yeah, we eat taters, gravy, beans and cornbread. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at Jim's bait shop...
    9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held on the 15th of November.
    10. We open doors for women. That applies to all women, regardless of age.
    11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
    12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three seasonings - salt, pepper, and ketchup.
    13. If you bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
    14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better know how to shoot, drive a truck, and she better have long hair.
    15. College and high school football/basketball are as important here as the Lions and the Pistons. and more fun to watch.
    16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
    17. Colleges? We have them all: State Universities, Community Colleges, and Voc-techs. Folks get an education, plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays..
    18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
    19. Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive in it like you got some sense, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska. Worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snowplows will have you out the next day.

    By the way.... if you want to talk to God in Michigan , it's a local call.
     
  2. GARVIN

    GARVIN Active Member

    152
    28
    1
    Why do you think this only applies to Michigan - this applies to any rural area in North America. It is so true it`s almost scary - I refer to it as fresh country air every spring & fall when tourists are out . thanks for the giggle
     
  3. knightster637

    knightster637 Member

    55
    0
    0
    haha I needed that DrEvil, same rules apply in rural Georgia, not just Michigan
     
  4. Cyclops

    Cyclops Active Member

    371
    28
    2
    Same rules apply to Arkansas but warmer/shorter winters=longer riding season!!!
     
  5. cromwell

    cromwell Active Member

    176
    26
    0
    Except most of the state is dry, no alcohol sales. Like being back in prohibition times. Other wise it is a great state.
     
  6. Cyclops

    Cyclops Active Member

    371
    28
    2
    I don't drink when I ride so the dry counties don't bother me.
     
  7. Jack Klarich

    Jack Klarich Expert Member

    18,544
    153
    399
    All but # 19 apply here in Florida, Good one Dr Evil:newsmile100:
     
  8. NEWHD74FAN

    NEWHD74FAN Experienced Member Retired Moderators

    8,176
    98
    16
    Good one Doc! Almost spilled my coffee halfway through!:p
     
  9. Dr.Evil

    Dr.Evil Junior Member

    694
    0
    5
    I know some farmers that would not agree with #14. :s
     
  10. oldhippie

    oldhippie Senior Member

    1,072
    58
    19
    Just change the highway names and sport to hockey and it'll pretty much apply to every province in Canada. Except in Quebec they'd make sure you write it in French.:D

    Growing up, we used to get quite perturbed with the city dwellers that moved out to the country. They wanted the country experience but without those nasty farm smells and dust from the gravel roads.
    Really annoying when they'd complain about the use of fertilizers on the fields but complain even louder if you spread manure.