Roping a Deer

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Polarbear, Nov 30, 2009.

  1. Polarbear

    Polarbear Active Member

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    Roping a Deer



    I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on
    corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this
    adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my
    cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a
    bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I
    am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to
    rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then
    hog tie it and transport it home.

    I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle,
    having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having
    any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up
    -- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of
    the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I
    wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good
    hold.

    The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly
    concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a
    step away. I put a little tension on the rope .., and then received an
    education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just
    stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to
    action when you start pulling on that rope.

    That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a
    deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight
    range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A
    deer-- no chance.

    That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it
    and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started
    dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

    A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off
    my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to
    realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big
    gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I
    just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

    I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would
    likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at
    all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would
    venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
    Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly
    arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks
    as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to
    recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of
    responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have
    to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my
    truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a
    squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could
    get my rope back.

    Did you know that deer bite?

    They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite
    somebody, so I was very surprised when ... I reached up there to grab that
    rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is
    not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A
    deer bites you and shakes its head --almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD
    and it hurts.

    The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw
    back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was
    ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several
    minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer
    (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it.
    While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up
    with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

    That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

    Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their
    back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves
    are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal --like
    a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the
    best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move
    towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you
    can escape.

    This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not
    work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I
    screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3
    times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the
    back of the head and knocked me down.

    Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately
    leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they
    do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

    I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I
    know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope to sort
    of even the odds.

    All these events are true so help me God... An Educated Rancher
     
  2. RetiredJake

    RetiredJake Junior Member

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    I know it wasn't funny to you, but I just kept chuckling as I read this. I could see everything you were saying like it was showing on the big screen. I loved the imagery of the evil deer versus the kindly rancher.

    Hope you heal quickly and learn from this hilarious (sorry) event.
     
  3. SixPak

    SixPak Junior Member

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    :rofl:newsmile100:finished reading this 10 minute:roflago.. I'm still bustin a gut Laughing!!!
     
  4. mark72

    mark72 Member

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    This sounds like something I would do. Good thing i wasn't with you I could have been talked in to helping you with ease. That is funny.:bigsmiley20:
     
  5. ron1978

    ron1978 Active Member

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    man, i have laughed till my eyes watered, my wife was laughing also, you tell the story so well , wording is everything!!!! glad your ok..
     
  6. Haywire

    Haywire Active Member

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    Man sometimes a "good idea" goes bad in a hurray. :D:D
     
  7. jaceddie

    jaceddie Junior Member

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    Now I know why I don't deer hunt.
     
  8. R. Lewis

    R. Lewis Senior Member Retired Moderators

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    Hey PB - I read this the day you posted it , re-read it a few more times , I have read it again today and I must say -:worthy - MY RIBS AND STOMACHE ARE SO SORE FROM LAUGHING !!!! Like others have already mentioned - I can actually "see" this happening as I read it!! I take this story and put the voice of the late -great Jerry Clowers while I read it !!! All of your jokes and stories are wonderful!! I , sir , for one -- :hii - tip of the brim to ya!!:a Thank you and keep em' rollin!!!
     
  9. Polarbear

    Polarbear Active Member

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    Mark72, Next time I will give you a call to see if you are game!
    Mr. Lewis, You are welcome Sir! Glad you enjoy them.
     
  10. gator508

    gator508 Senior Member

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    Polarbear,

    I feel your pain man...I am laughing so hard it hurts. I'm sure it wasn't funny when it happened but I bet you laugh about it now.
    I lived in north MS during the early 70's, a medic in the Air Force. A guy came into the ER one evening just flat torn up, contusions, cuts, and scrapes everywhere. A deer jumped through a sliding glass window into the guy's living room andmhe tried to get the deer out of his house...big mistake.
    No more deer roping...OK