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Retired husband at Target

D

dbmg

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Subject: This is hysterical
Here are some ideas to keep retirees occupied.



After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her
Trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I
Found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -
She loves to browse. Yesterday my
dear wife received the
Following letter from the local Target.


Dear Mrs. Samuel,


Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
Commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this
Behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the
Store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr.
Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video
Surveillance cameras.


1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
Other people's carts when they weren't looking.


2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.


3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
To the women's restroom.


4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
Voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right
Away. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station
And receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that
In turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to
Lose time and costing the company money.


5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&Ms on layaway.


6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
Area.


7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
The children shoppers he'd invite them in if
They would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding
Department to which twenty children obliged.


8. August 23: When a clerk asked if
they could help him he began
Crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people
Just leave me alone?' EMTs were
Called.


9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used
It as a mirror while he picked his nose.


10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
He asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.


11. October 3: Darted around the
store suspiciously while loudly
Humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.


12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna
Look by using different sizes of funnels.


13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
Through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'


14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
He assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH
NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!'


And last, but not least:


15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
Awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's
No toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
 
That is hilarious I got to remember that one:newsmile100:
 
Thanks for the tips dbmg. Now I too can enjoy myself while out shopping with the wife. That was hilarious! Especially the tomato juice.
 
The grumpy wife is refusing to take me shopping again :newsmile100:

Brian
 
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