Retired husband at Target

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by dbmg, Oct 28, 2010.

  1. dbmg

    dbmg Experienced Member

    5,800
    153
    318
    Subject: This is hysterical
    Here are some ideas to keep retirees occupied.



    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her
    Trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I
    Found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
    Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -
    She loves to browse. Yesterday my
    dear wife received the
    Following letter from the local Target.


    Dear Mrs. Samuel,


    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
    Commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this
    Behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the
    Store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr.
    Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video
    Surveillance cameras.


    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
    Other people's carts when they weren't looking.


    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
    5-minute intervals.


    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
    To the women's restroom.


    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    Voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right
    Away. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station
    And receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that
    In turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to
    Lose time and costing the company money.


    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
    M&Ms on layaway.


    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
    Area.


    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
    The children shoppers he'd invite them in if
    They would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding
    Department to which twenty children obliged.


    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if
    they could help him he began
    Crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people
    Just leave me alone?' EMTs were
    Called.


    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used
    It as a mirror while he picked his nose.


    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
    He asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.


    11. October 3: Darted around the
    store suspiciously while loudly
    Humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.


    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna
    Look by using different sizes of funnels.


    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
    Through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'


    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
    He assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH
    NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
    AGAIN!'


    And last, but not least:


    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
    Awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's
    No toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
     
  2. Cyclops

    Cyclops Active Member

    371
    28
    2
    I think I damaged some ribs laughing at #15. :newsmile100:
     
  3. Jack Klarich

    Jack Klarich Expert Member

    18,544
    153
    399
    That is hilarious I got to remember that one:newsmile100:
     
  4. Tramp60

    Tramp60 Member

    87
    0
    0
    Thanks for the tips dbmg. Now I too can enjoy myself while out shopping with the wife. That was hilarious! Especially the tomato juice.
     
  5. Duane53

    Duane53 Active Member

    237
    28
    1
    Now that could be fun.
     
  6. paulmack

    paulmack Active Member

    185
    16
    1
    Great list. Very funny!! I could see me doing some of those things. I hate shopping too.
     
  7. geezer

    geezer Senior Member Contributor

    1,623
    68
    52
    That guy makes shopping fun.
     
  8. Dr.Evil

    Dr.Evil Junior Member

    694
    0
    5
    I want to party with that guy. :worthy
     
  9. fin_676

    fin_676 Experienced Member Staff Member Moderator Contributor

    5,276
    133
    156
    The grumpy wife is refusing to take me shopping again :newsmile100:

    Brian
     
  10. oldhippie

    oldhippie Senior Member

    1,072
    58
    19
    Might have to try some of those:newsmile100::newsmile100: