my parents and what they taught me

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by lorne, Sep 23, 2011.

  1. lorne

    lorne Senior Member

    1. My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning."

    2. My Parents taught me RELIGION.
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    3. My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

    4. My Parents taught me LOGIC.
    " Because I said so, that's why."

    5. My Parents taught me MORE LOGIC ..
    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

    6. My Parents taught me FORESIGHT.
    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

    7. My Parents taught me IRONY.
    "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

    8. My Parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

    9. My Parents taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
    "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

    10. My Parents taught me about STAMINA .
    "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone. (LIVER)"

    11. My Parents taught me about WEATHER.
    "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

    12. My Parents taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

    13. My Parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

    14. My Parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
    "Stop acting like your father!"

    15. My Parents taught me about ENVY.
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

    16. My Parents taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    "Just wait until we get home."

    17. My Parents taught me about RECEIVING .
    "You are going to get it when you get home!"

    18. My Parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

    19. My Parents taught me ESP.
    "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

    20. My Parents taught me HUMOR.
    "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

    21. My Parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
    "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

    22. My Parents taught me GENETICS.
    "You're just like your father."

    23. My Parents taught me about my ROOTS.
    "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

    24. My Parents taught me WISDOM.
    "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

    And my favorite:

    25. My Parents taught me about JUSTICE .
    "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
  2. Dr. Dolittle

    Dr. Dolittle Experienced Member Staff Member Moderator Contributor

    Those are good - thanks!

  3. HDDon

    HDDon Experienced Member Contributor Retired Moderators

    Isn't it amazing how smart our parents are as we get older???
  4. geezer

    geezer Senior Member Contributor

    Good ones Lorne!!:)
  5. lorne

    lorne Senior Member

    worst part is they are all true. i remember my mother telling me ALL of them :56:
  6. Redfish-Joe

    Redfish-Joe Senior Member

    Parents back then were cast from a different mold. Today the mold has cracked almost beyond repair.
  7. SixPak

    SixPak Junior Member

    Good one. I remember hearing them all and telling them to my kids.
  8. R_W_B

    R_W_B Senior Member

    Good ones Lorne, many of those sound like the ones I heard on the recorded show 'Bill Crosby, Himself' It was one hilarious show.

    Many times now days we don't have parents, we have kids having kids.

    Yep, both mine are passed on, but I will never be the caliber of either one of them.
  9. oldhippie

    oldhippie Senior Member

    Pretty sure my parents did too...:s

    Reminds me of when my wife told our oldest not to do something she wasn't suppose to while her back was turned. Daughter asked how'd she know.. Wife told her it was because mom's have eyes in the back of their heads. Later that day, while my wife was sitting down, my daughters started playing with her hair. Wife asked them what they were doing. They said "Looking for the eyes in the back of your head".:newsmile100:
  10. The4opps1

    The4opps1 Junior Member

    A friend of mine once quipped:"When I was 18 , I couldn't believe what an idiot my old man was. At 21, I was amazed at how smart the old man had gotten in three short years"....