Men are just happier people

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Polarbear, Nov 18, 2009.

  1. Polarbear

    Polarbear Active Member

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    MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE


    NICKNAMES:

    If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
    If Mike , Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

    EATING OUT:

    When the bill arrives, Mike , Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

    MONEY:

    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

    BATHROOMS:

    A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

    ARGUMENTS:

    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    FUTURE:

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    SUCCESS:

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend..
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    MARRIAGE:

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does..

    DRESSING UP:

    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    NATURAL:

    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

    OFFSPRING:

    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
    A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
     
  2. RetiredJake

    RetiredJake Junior Member

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    I don't want to get into trouble with the better half, so I won't admit that I chuckled all the way through this. :D
     
  3. Haywire

    Haywire Active Member

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    Not so sure I should show this to the Mrs.:newsmile100::newsmile100: Could get a guy in trouble.:D
     
  4. jcrotteau

    jcrotteau Member

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    Just smile as u read thru and plead the 5th,just to be safe.
     
  5. jaceddie

    jaceddie Junior Member

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    Too true! I've forwarded this to all my female friends. Thanks.
     
  6. fwcole

    fwcole Active Member

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    You always brighten the day!