elderly humor..but good

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by lorne, Jan 21, 2011.

  1. lorne

    lorne Senior Member

    An elderly gentleman...
    Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
    The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family
    must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
    The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
    I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

    Two elderly gentlemen...
    from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
    'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
    'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

    Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
    Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
    'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
    'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
    'No, I can remember it.'
    'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.
    Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
    He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
    Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
    Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
    The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
    'Where's my toast ?'

    A senior citizen...
    said to his eighty-year old buddy:
    'So I hear you're getting married?'
    'Do I know her?'
    'This woman, is she good looking?'
    'Not really.'
    'Is she a good cook?'
    'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
    'Does she have lots of money?'
    'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
    'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
    'I don't know.'
    'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
    'Because she can still drive!'

    Three old guys are out walking.
    First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
    Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
    Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

    A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.
    It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
    'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
    'Twelve thirty.'

    Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
    A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
    Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
    The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.
    I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

    One more!

    A little old man...
    shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully,
    up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
    The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
    'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
  2. eleft36

    eleft36 Junior Member


    Yes they are funny.

    Until you start to represent them.

    No, I'm not 80+ yet, just moving in that direction, thankfully.


  3. R_W_B

    R_W_B Senior Member

    An elderly couple is sitting on the front porch smoking a cigarette after a rare intimate occurance.
    The wife says - Was it good for you too -
    The husband says - Was what good ? -

    A guy in the first stages of Alzhiemers tells his wife he is going to the hardware store over on Hwy 17. His wife says, Honey be careful on those roads you know how your mind is lately.
    Later the wife sees a news report on TV about someone going the wrong direction on Hwy 17, so she calls him and tells him to be careful there is someone going the wrong way on Hwy 17.
    He replies, Someone ! , I've passed about 50 of them going the wrong way !

    Seriously, my Dad died with Alzhiemers and the first stage is the only funny one. The rest are terribly sad. But without humor we would all probably go insane.
  4. dbmg

    dbmg Experienced Member

    And who says getting old can not be fun.....
    Very funny and true...