Aussie Tourism

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by T wrecks, Feb 4, 2010.

  1. T wrecks

    T wrecks Junior Member

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    These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

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    > Q:
    Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
    >
    > A
    :
    We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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    >
    > Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA)

    > A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
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    >
    > Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
    >
    > A
    :
    Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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    >
    > Q:
    Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)

    > A: What did your last slave die of?
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    >
    > Q
    :Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )


    > A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
    > Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
    > ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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    >
    > Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA)
    >
    > A
    :
    Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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    >
    > Q:
    Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK)
    > A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
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    >
    > Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (
    USA )

    > A
    : Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
    > Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
    __________________________________________________
    >
    > Q:
    Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
    > A:
    You are a British politician, right?
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    >
    > Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (
    Germany )

    > A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
    > Milk is illegal.
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    >
    > Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA
    )

    > A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
    > All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
    __________________________________________________
    >
    > Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
    >
    > A
    : It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
    > You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
    __________________________________________________
    >
    > Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)


    > A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
    __________________________________________________

    > Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
    >
    > A
    : Only at Christmas.
    __________________________________________________
    >
    > Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
    >
    > A
    : Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
     
  2. fin_676

    fin_676 Experienced Member Staff Member Moderator Contributor

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    Im now in pain with the laughter

    Brian
     
  3. RetiredJake

    RetiredJake Junior Member

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    Who says everyone hates a smart ?? rearend ?? (got to keep off the radar here) :lolrolling
     
  4. jaceddie

    jaceddie Junior Member

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    Truly funny. Makes me want to visit. :newsmile036:
     
  5. Adamal47

    Adamal47 Active Member

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    Seriously? Are those really from the tourism website? HA that's hilarious
     
  6. Gator454

    Gator454 Active Member

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    Keep up the good humor - it's is good for health!