One year I decided to buy my mother in law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked why , I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year"....and that's when the fight started. I took my wife to a restaurant . The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the porterhouse steak rare, please". He said:"aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself". ...and that's when the fight started My wife at her high school reunion kept staring at a drunk swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her:"do you know him?""Yes", she sighed, "he's my old boyfriend. He's began drinking right after we split up years ago and hasn't been sober since. "My God!"I said, "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"....and that's when the fight started My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said:"I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 165 in about 2 seconds" I bought her a bathroom scale......and that's when the fight started. My wife was standing naked looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw. "I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment". I replied, "Well, you eyesight is darn near perfect".....and that's when the fight started.