what cables exactly am I removing from the battery
I want you to remove the two cables (positive & negative) from the battery.
The reason why is because the ECM has "switched" and "unswitched" voltages going to it. Even though the key may be OFF, the ECM still has "keep Alive" power going to it. If you were to remove the 36 pin ECM connector while the battery was still attached, a voltage spike might hit the ECM.
By disconnecting the battery BEFORE you remove the 36 pin ECM connector, you will be safe.
I can understand if some of this is uncomfortable for you. If it is, don't attempt it. If you want to know the truth, I will almost bet you pass both tests and my money is on having no fuel pump pressure.
Lets just say you DO pass both tests. Then based on what you said in entry point #7 ("99% chance fuel pump is priming), if the problem WAS electrical, it only can be 1 of 3 things. Either the ECM is blown, which I feel is not the case, BOTH injectors are clogged, which I also don't think is the case or the spark you have at the plugs is not in phase w/ the crank due to the CAM sensor being bad,,,but that's a long shot also. (we can test the cam sensor if your up to it)
I think electrically your fine. I think the problem is lack of fuel pressure. The pump may be spinning but either a hose or the pressure regulator in the tank is leaking. It sure all relates back to that for me. The fact you can prime the throttle body and it runs for a second, proves a bunch of parts and sensors ARE working. I just did not want to make a far reaching call until you checked some basics.
Yes, there is one proof positive electrical test we can make, but a break-out is required. If we just knew for a fact you were getting a ground shot signal from the ECM on pin 18 & 24 during cranking, that would be all we needed to know for conclusive evidence that your problem is absolutely NOT electrical. But that test is too hard to check without the right tools.
So based on "passing" those 2 tests and what we know so far, it sure sounds like something in the tank to me.