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Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in [path]/includes/class_postbit_alt.php(474) : eval()'d code on line 350 Harley Davidson Community - Jokes
http://www.hdtalking.com/
Show to us your funny side,we really apreciated it.enSat, 21 Nov 2009 06:59:38 GMTvBulletin60http://www.hdtalking.com/images/misc/rss.jpgHarley Davidson Community - Jokes
http://www.hdtalking.com/
The fortune teller
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22538-the_fortune_teller.html
Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:21:33 GMTIn a dark and gloomy room, the fortune teller was startled by
what she saw in her crystal ball. She looked up at her customer, sitting
across the...In a dark and gloomy room, the fortune teller was startled by
what she saw in her crystal ball. She looked up at her customer, sitting
across the table. 'There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt.
Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and
horrible death this year.'
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at
the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep
breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.
She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:
'Will I get away with it?'
]]>JokesGoofuss69http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22538-the_fortune_teller.htmlSuspicious Mother
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22508-suspicious_mother.html
Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:12:03 GMTSuspicious Mother
Brian invited his mother over for dinner.
During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep
noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was.
Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and
Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Brian said, "Well, I
doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure". So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Mom: I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from
the house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for
dinner. Love, Brian".
Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
"Dear Son: I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Stephanie; I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Stephanie. But the fact remains
that if Stephanie is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."
]]>JokesPolarbearhttp://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22508-suspicious_mother.htmlA Miracle
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22505-a_miracle.html
Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:25:50 GMTA Miracle
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of
them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says,"So you're a
man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow,just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be
a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live
together in peace for the rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't
break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good
fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in
agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it
back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and
hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
]]>JokesPolarbearhttp://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22505-a_miracle.htmlMen are just happier people
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22463-men_are_just_happier_people.html
Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:21:57 GMTMEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If...MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike , Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike , Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend..
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does..
DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
]]>JokesPolarbearhttp://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22463-men_are_just_happier_people.htmlLas Vegas
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22438-las_vegas.html
Tue, 17 Nov 2009 21:29:55 GMTLas Vegas Churches accept gambling chips
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS ,
BUT THERE ARE MORE...Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS ,
BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE
CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES
HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY
FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS
ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
OF COURSE, ALL OF THIS DIFFICULT WORK IS
DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU?
]]>JokesPolarbearhttp://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22438-las_vegas.htmlThe potty
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22431-the_potty.html
Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:31:06 GMTA little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.
His mother says: "billy, are you all right?you've been in here for a while.
Billy says: "i'm fine, mommy.. I just haven't gone 'doody' yet."
mother says: "ok, you can stay here a few more minutes.but, billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
billy says: "works for ketchup."
]]>JokesPolarbearhttp://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22431-the_potty.htmlMarriage Humour
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22430-marriage_humour.html
Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:11:50 GMTMarriage Humour
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden..'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
A man was going through a magazine when his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied: 'That was for the piece of paper with the name ‘Jenny’ that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said: 'that’s the name of the horse I placed a bet on, at the race last week
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man was watching TV when his wife bashed him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon gaining consciousness, the man asked why she had hit him again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'
]]>JokesPolarbearhttp://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22430-marriage_humour.html<![CDATA[Don't mess with old folks!]]>
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22429-dont_mess_with_old_folks.html
Tue, 17 Nov 2009 16:05:07 GMTAn older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who
shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled
with...An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who
shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled
with patients.
As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the
receptionist was a large unfriendly woman
who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;
YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look
at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION,
BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
]]>JokesPolarbearhttp://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22429-dont_mess_with_old_folks.htmlDinner
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22386-dinner.html
Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:09:49 GMTA man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redheadsittingat the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but...A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redheadsittingat the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place...
'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his.. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies. . .
Wait for it.
It's coming. .
The suspense is killing you, isn't it?
She says:
'You just happened to catch my eye.'
]]>JokesPolarbearhttp://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22386-dinner.htmlMind Your Own Business
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22385-mind_your_own_business.html
Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:07:48 GMTI was walking past the mental hospital the other day, And all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.' The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see What was going on...... Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick! Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'..
]]>JokesPolarbearhttp://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22385-mind_your_own_business.html<![CDATA[Ain't it the Truth!!!]]>
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22384-aint_it_the_truth.html
Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:06:18 GMTAin't it the Truth!!!
A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical.
The nurse starts with certain basic items.
"How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"115," she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale.
It turns out her weight is 140.
The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"5 foot 8," she says.
The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".
She then takes her blood pressure
And tells the woman it is very high.
"Of course it's high!" she screams,
"When I came in here I was tall and slender!
Now I'm short and fat!"
]]>JokesPolarbearhttp://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22384-aint_it_the_truth.htmlTough Question...
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22364-tough_question.html
Mon, 16 Nov 2009 02:14:13 GMTA professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz. One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy expands to ten times its normal size during periods of intense emotion and excitement?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!"
The indicated girl, who heard the question, stammers with some ... Read Moreembarrassment: "Professor, I'd rather not answer that question."
The professor says, "That's all right, Miss Callahan, you don't need to answer it. Is there anyone present who can answer it?" He notes an interested face in the back of the classroom. "Mr. Hawkins!"
Hawkins says, "Yes, Professor, it is the pupil of the eye that expands to ten times its normal size during periods of emotion and excitement."
The professor says, "That is correct, Mr. Hawkins."
Then he turns to Miss Callahan. He says, "Young lady, two things are obvious from your reaction to this question. One, you haven't studied this week's assignment; and Two, I'm afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment to you."
]]>Jokesbiglew55http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22364-tough_question.htmlThe Hangover
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22353-the_hangover.html
Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:13:23 GMTTom wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party.
Tom is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all.
He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Tom had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!! Tom sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Gloria
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His 16 year old son is also at the table eating. Tom asks, 'Son, what happened last night?'
'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door'
Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??'
His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!!'
:pelao
]]>JokesGoofuss69http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22353-the_hangover.htmlthe Lawyer...
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22346-the_lawyer.html
Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:14:37 GMTA lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , TX ... He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.
The deputy says, 'License and registration, please.'
'What for?' says the lawyer...
The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'
Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'
'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please.'
The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'
'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy repeats..
Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket... If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'
'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'
]]>JokesGoofuss69http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22346-the_lawyer.htmlGot a question
http://www.hdtalking.com/jokes/22318-got_a_question.html
Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:01:03 GMTHobbit, is this anyone you may know? :newsmile100:
YouTube - Harley Davidson Metal Damage (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hJIZC3P5SU)Hobbit, is this anyone you may know? :newsmile100: